Effective communication is about talking to be heard and understood.*
1. If you find yourself trying to convince the other party that you’re right, you’re unlikely to resolve anything.
News flash! Chances are pretty high that you’re both right.
There are potentially hundreds of right ways to do most things. So, probably, you have one right answer and the person you’re arguing with has another right answer. But that doesn’t mean you agree.
Supposing there are a dozen right answers out there, and each of you has one in mind- that leaves you with 10 more right answers to discover and discuss until you find a solution that satisfies you both.
Practice letting go of that need to be right at all costs. Focus instead on finding a good solution that meets the needs of all involved. If you can let go of trying to convince the other person to do it your right way and collaboratively seek another right way that suits you both, peace and satisfaction will prevail as a workable solution- perhaps even a better solution!
2. Blame is another futile endeavor when it comes to problem-solving.
It rarely matters who, if anyone, is at fault. The important point is what each of you can do moving forward to make things better.**
For the purpose of finding solutions, the key is to consider “what can YOU do to make things better?” and then do it. And same for whoever else is part of the situation. Then put all heads together to fill in any missing pieces necessary to make the problem go away- work together to find someone, some way, some how to meet your mutual need(s).
3. Fighting to WIN the argument is also counterproductive to resolving a conflict.
Truth be told, anything less than satisfaction for all is a loss for all.
That doesn’t mean everyone gets everything they want. But it does mean that all agree to a cooperative plan.
Either EVERYONE WINS! 😊 Or EVERYONE LOSES ☹
If you can make it your practice to give up fighting to prove you’re right, stop looking to place blame, and then put your time and energy into making sure everyone wins you can excel at effective, assertive conversation. AND, you will get what you want more often and with less effort than you ever imagined!
*Refer to “Be Exceptional at Communication” posted 4-2-2025 to learn how “I” messages are an excellent tool for achieving this goal.
**If someone has done an egregious wrong or hurt another, forgiveness is important and should be addressed, but that is a separate issue and not part of a problem-solving conversation. Refer to “Asking Forgiveness” posted 1-12-2024 and/or “To Forgive or to NOT Forgive…” posted 4-20-2025
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