Empower Yourself to Reduce Conflict and Increase Confidence and Self-Satisfaction

ASSUMING POSITIVE INTENT

I wrote previously on “MY BEST IS ALWAYS GOOD ENOUGH!” That strategy was all about giving yourself grace when your best intentions go awry. Today’s topic, ASSUMING POSITIVE INTENT, is a sort of flip on “MY BEST IS ALWAYS GOOD ENOUGH.” Just as it is healthy to trust that your best is always good enough, there’s a lot to gain from choosing to believe in the best of others.

ASSUMING POSITIVE INTENT means exactly what it says. Assume that the “others” in your life are doing the best they can with what they have to work with; that they are using the time, money, knowledge, skills, and other supports that are available to them to make their best decisions with no intent to cause harm. Rather than reacting with offense or anger when something goes badly between yourself and another person, train yourself to go to a place of grace that allows you to be comfortable believing that whatever is happening is a mishap that can be resolved kindly and peacefully. Keep yourself calm and reasonable as you approach them with the attitude that you’re on the same team and you both want to make the situation at hand better.

Even if you’re sure their intent is not necessarily kind or constructive, behaving as if it is kind or constructive can really make a difference in the outcome.

For example, if someone remarks to me with a snide and sarcastic tone “nice shirt, Cindy” I may respond “thank you, I love the color and it’s really comfortable.” I would then keep walking as if they’d kindly said “have a nice day.”

If I’m approached with “why would you do something so stupid?” I might respond with calm and reasonable tone “what would you like me to do differently next time?” (Of course, I then have to listen and consider any relevant suggestions that follow…)

At the very least, this strategy generally prevents escalation of negative emotions and behaviors. I rarely have the same person make me the target of their ridicule or other negativity in the future. I get a lot of satisfaction in not letting others push my buttons. And, just maybe, the other person will be more inclined to behave differently- kinder? – in the future.

You cannot control anyone else’s thoughts, feelings and behavior. But you, and only you, can control your own thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Exercising self-discipline to use my power for good in spite of any offense on the part of others has creates confidence and self-satisfaction that builds over time. I hope you’ll begin ASSUMING POSITIVE INTENT and feel your own confidence and self-satisfaction grow.

For additional tips on creating a healthy mindset and lifestyle check out other posts on this website. And if you or a loved one is struggling with emotional/behavioral issues please reach out, we’re here to help.