“IS THIS MY JOB?”
When you find yourself frustrated or overwhelmed, ask yourself, “IS THIS MY JOB?”
If you think about it, you’ll see that frustration comes from trying to do things that you simply can’t do and solve problems that are not yours to solve.
First, and foremost, you can’t change another person’s thoughts or feelings.
I can only change my thoughts and feelings. Only you can change yours. That is true of us all. No matter how long you worry over it, how mad you get, or how much you want to, you can’t make someone else think or feel the way you want them to, so don’t fall into the trap of trying.
As soon as you catch frustration or anxiety kicking in, ask yourself, “Is this my job?”
If it has anything to do with someone else’s thoughts, feelings, or behavior let it go! Replace that energy with a task YOU can succeed at or a problem YOU can solve. Direct your thoughts and actions toward something you can actually do and feel good about when it’s done.
If you’re taking over someone else’s role, task, or responsibility, let it go!
Many of us fall into the habit of doing others’ jobs in the spirit of making things go faster or easier or simply covering someone else’s backside. Beware that becoming the “rescuer” is another trap!
If you save the day, it’s all too easy for the task to become yours permanently. It doesn’t take long to feel overwhelmed and burn out from the extra responsibilities you accumulate.
Perhaps more importantly, it prevents others the opportunity to learn and do the things they need to know and do to thrive as friends, family members, co-workers, or other roles. As long as you do it for them, they’re unable to develop the skills, attitudes, and character required to become self-sufficient, productive humans.
Kindness and compassion can be a good thing- but exercise good judgment to avoid handicapping others when you exercise it.
Again, when you find yourself overcome by frustration or anxiety, ask yourself, “Is this my job?” If it’s not, you’re probably better off focusing on something that is yours to do and that you can achieve successfully and feel good about.
Cindy Maddox Rozier, LCSW provides in-person mental and behavioral health services in Warner Robins, Georgia and video therapy throughout the state of Georgia.
Look for more to follow on creating, communicating, and maintaining effective relationship boundaries!
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